Dichotomy Of Committing

Men really like their ownership. 

So what's with the dichotomy of not committing? Well, there are factors. Let's take a look at how men see commitment, shall we?

Responsibility.
He now becomes your protector, your provider. He feels his freedom is gone forever.

Women feel this is ridiculous. Of course your an independent woman who can make her own choices and commitment means freedom not the lack of it!

But, looking at this from the man's Point of view, here's what he's thinking:

1. Society teaches men they are providers and protectors. Fantastic. Here's what this really means. Guys you are disposable. You get to fight and die for your family. Sounds like fun, huh?

Ridiculous, you say. This isn't medieval times.  

No, but he still has to go to work put food on the table, make sure you're free from roaming bachelors that might take you away, responsibility of taking care of family and that means no time for play thus--no freedom. 

Unless...you prove you are the fun! 

Do you start with questions with...

1. Did you...
2. Why don't you...
3. Can you...

To a guy, those are demands. They are cages you use to circumvent freedom.

Let's replace did you... 
with
What can I do to help you?

Replace Why don't you...
with
Relax, I've got it.

Instead of can you...
say
It would make me so happy if...

There are so many things I see women getting frustrated about that can be avoided. 

First, pretend you're single, and it's all up to you. What I mean by this is, be that confident woman you are. The man in your house is not your maid, and you're not his. 

Second, you are responsible for your own happiness. Not him, not the dog, you. Go out and do things without him. 

Third, don't ask him where he's been. It's his business. Don't volunteer where you've been. It's our business. 

You might think this sounds like less intimacy, but these things create more. The profound freedom in knowing your not responsible for his happiness, and you are responsible for yours is more intimate when you both come together and share experiences through your partners eyes. 

   

      

Sex As A Bad Thing

You're angry. I get it.
 
Breath. Because you will need every ounce of patience you possess to explain something to me.
 
Why is being viewed as something sexual demeaning?
 
Why is being wanted bad?

Here's is a scientific fact that Harvard researchers examined to a degree of infamy. 

Men think about sex. 

They think about sex with women, men and goats. Yes, that last one is gross (and a joke) and to those men that really want to have sex with live-stock I don't get it, but the men having sex with women part I can really dig!

There are many men who love women. What saddens me is that women treat men like incompetent women. They expect men to think as women, only men don't. 

This means women may get offended by what a man says. Have you ever heard the saying "If she likes you, you can do nothing wrong. If she doesn't, you can do nothing right." Yes, the right guy can say something to the effect of "I like your hair." and the woman is please because the guy she likes is paying attention to her. If the wrong guy says the same thing, even the same way, that guy is harassing her. He's a jerk.
 
This mentality makes me sad.
 
Women throw away their power constantly. Somewhere in the struggle of man and woman--women tossed their power aside. This power can bring a man to his knees. It has the power to "launch a thousand ships", it can tame, provoke, calm or destroy him. 

That power is sexuality. 

You know what I think? I think with great power comes great responsibility. I think women who shun their sexuality are terrified of their power. 

I can attest to you that I have waggled my finger at guys and they come running. I've had experiences were I've given a "sit" command to my dog and a complete stranger heeded my command. He thought I was talking to him. On his behalf, I was very serious, very angry and my voice was very no-nonsense you better do as I say right now (just at the dog-but hey, he thought it best to be safe.) 

Point being:

Men love woman and they want to please us. 

I love men. I love the way they try to make me laugh. I love the way they think. I love their easy ways. I love their compliments--even if they whistle at me from across the street. You know what I do when I get a cat call? I wave and say thank you. Because honestly those guys are desperate, and desperate guys are often the ones that stumble on their own words. They're the guys that come over when I waggle my finger and then can't string two thoughts together. 

What would happen if you actually had a witty come-back to a come-on? What if you felt powerful instead of intimidated in front of those guys that were trying to gain your attention and what if you took control of the conversation? 

Life is about the journey. That includes the trek you make from work to home, to the grocery, to school, whatever. When you walk your are on a journey. In that journey you have the opportunity to meet new people. Since it's about the journey and not point A to B, it seems like a waste to put your head down and expect everyone to ignore you. 

What power is within you that you're so terrified of?

Steal This Poem...Give It To Your Lover

I think about you all the time.
Be my new discovery,
An exciting uncharted territory,
To explore you, adore you,learn again.
Can I wrap you up in my love,
So much I would like to claim you as my woman.
Surround you completely, play with you sweetly,
Fall in love with you totally and completely.
Then ever so tenderly slowly undress each layer,
Finding each a new desire.
Those special things about you I will and do so admire.
Like your beautiful cheeky smile and charm,
Or the freckles on your arm,
The music in your soft voice,
When I am locked in surrender of your embrace,
Just to hear you whisper,
The way you say my name.
Like the look in your eyes,
When you are thoughtful.
Or the things you like,
Like what goes on in your mind.
Those cute dimples on your chin and where you are ticklish,to just begin,
Just silly things which are part of you.
Like bare naked simplicity.
I want to give you all of me so will you give me all of you?
Truly one thing I really want to say,
Is I want to make you mine one day,
Tell you how much I love you so very much,
Each day more and more, Miss you being in touch.
So for now I just let you know how much I love you so,
Sending you kisses lots and lots.
I want to ask you will you be mine,
So we can catch up on all them lovely cuddles and hugs.
I love you more all the time.

Profile

Every so often I'll change my profile intro.  I don't want to delete my old profile wording so I save them.  This has been up on the blog since it's first days in January 2011 to April 2012.  I like my new one as I put it up on the blog but just like that girl scout song says...make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold...

I continually blog as a way to dig for gold and pull out the dregs of gray matter sliding down my olfactory orifice. I plucked all of these droppings myself and smeared them onto this clean white page. Okay, it was white. Well, it's better than storing them under the table or in a drawer.

Ex-claimer: The Health Department recommends all visitors wash their eyes after viewing the Nose Droppings blog.

If you're like me you love writing and reading. For you I've created "Nose Droppings" as a motivational tool to pick those ideas from--well, wherever you get ideas, and realize that what you might think are dregs can be artful to another.

I hope to inspire, motivate and make you laugh or think about the subjects slathered onto the screen. Follow me and share your triumphs, insights and inspirations, but I'll be happy even if you just point and laugh.

TTFN and don't let the gooey ones stick to ya!

10 Things Bosses Never Tell Employees

I found this article and thought it really was spot on.

10 things bosses never tell employees ~ Jeff Haden

There’s a lot you don’t know about your employees, especially the things your employees will never tell you. There’s also a lot employees don’t know about you. Here are 10 things business owners wish they could say to employees:

1.  I care about whether you like me. I want you to like me. When I come off like a hard-ass who doesn’t care about your opinion of me, it’s an act. My business is an extension of myself. I want you to like it. And me.

2. I don't think I know everything. A few people stepped in, without being asked, and made a huge difference in my professional life. I will always be grateful to them. I don’t offer you advice because I think I’m all knowing or all-powerful. I see something special in you, and I’m repaying the debt I owe to the people who helped me.

3. I think it’s great when you’re having fun. You don’t have to lower your voice and pretend to be working hard when I walk by. I know it’s possible to work hard and have a little fun at the same time. Before I got all serious, I used to work that way.

When you enjoy what you do, it makes me feel a little better about my company and myself. I get to feel like I’ve created something more than just a business.

4. I want to pay you more. I would love to be the employer of choice in the industry or the area.  I can’t, mostly due to financial constraints but partly because the risks I’ve taken require a reasonable reward. If I go out of business tomorrow, you lose your job. That's terrible, I know. But I lose my business, my investment, my credit, my house… sometimes I lose everything. Someday, when you start your business, I promise you’ll understand.

5. I want you to work here forever. Job-hopping may be a fact of business life, but as an owner it’s a fact I hate. I don’t see you as a disposable part. When you leave, it hurts. A part of me feels like I’ve failed. I want to own the kind of business people hope to retire from.

6. Sales don’t appear by magic. I know you despise filling certain types of orders. They’re aggravating, they cause you to fall behind… they’re a pain. You wish we would sell other work. Unfortunately (from your point of view at least) sometimes the orders that take the most time are actually the most profitable.

And even if they aren’t, sometimes those orders are the only thing we can sell. Sometimes I even take terrible work because it's the only way to keep the lights on.

7. I would love to turn you loose. You can't stand to be micromanaged. That's good because I hate micromanaging. But freedom is earned, not given. Show me you can fly on your own and I’ll gladly focus on something or someone else.

In fact, if you feel I’m micromanaging you, step forward. Say, “Jeff, I can tell you don’t quite trust me to handle this well. I understand, so I’m going to prove you can trust me.”

Do it and I'll get off your back and respect you even more.

8. I notice when others don’t pull their weight. I’m not blind. But I won’t discipline those individuals in front of you. No employees, no matter how poorly they perform, loses their right to confidentiality and privacy. And sometimes I won’t discipline them at all, because occasionally more is going on than you know. You wouldn’t realize that, though, because oftentimes…

9. There are things I just can’t tell you. Even though I would love to, and even though you and I have become friends.

10. Ownership is the smorgasbord of insecurity. I worry about sales. I worry about costs. I worry about facilities and employees and vendors and customers and… you name it, I worry about it.

So occasionally I’m snappy. Occasionally I’m distracted. Occasionally I’m tense and irritable and short-tempered. It’s not your fault. I’m just worried. More than anything, I’m worried about whether I can fulfill the trust you placed in me as your employer.

Affections By Greeting Cards

It's time for you to sign your name on that birthday card but sometimes you want to say something personal even if the card already conveys what you feel.  

Cards can bring a laugh or convey sentiment and let the receiver know you care about them.  But just signing the card doesn't put that personal flare into it that you may want, yet you don't know what to say.  

The time comes to sign and deliver but you feel "put on the spot" or pressured to come up with something really good before sending that forget-me-not.  Even as a writer that thinks, plots and edits I find it hard sometimes to come up with something witty, funny, or sentimental to say.  We all get stuck but there is one thing for certain that you can convey and that is what is in your heart.  Wise words like this may seem a riddle too complicated to piece together but here are my steps to the words I write on cards. 
 

When it comes time to sign I close my eyes and envision that person in my mind.  If I can, I try to embody them in one word or a sentence.  Even if I don't know them extremely well, but want to convey they are part of my thoughts, then I think about them as how I see them.  I think about how I feel when I see them.  Happy, frustrated, sad all these will help you sum-up the words.  There are friends I've signed with "You're a rat-bastard and I love you for it." Knowing they wouldn't get offended.  Sometimes I'll insert phrases of a song that comes to mind.  But often times I can think of a time or place where they lifted my spirits or said a kind word and I tell them "remember when..." and end with "...you made my day, happy birthday."  

Sometimes I feel foolish or too vulnerable to say what I want to say but if I have the courage on that day to write down what is in my heart then it is a precious gift you give.  People respond to intimacy in a positive way because it is what everyone craves.  Emotions are the collective memories of an individual and if you can come from there the words will come. 

Random Epiphany

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

I figured this saying out!  It's simple but the word "conspires" tripped me up; yet it was the right word.  

The universe will use negative and positive influences to get you to move in the direction of your personal legend.  When Santiago lost his money to a thief the universe was moving him in the direction of his personal legend.  

You might think, how could God let this happen?  But really God is conspiring with the universe to get you to MOVE!  The universe is a power of negative and positive.  This epiphany has hit me and yet at the same time I feel stupid for not getting it the first time.  It took me two times for something right up my alley to click.  But I feel enriched for having "got it", or really being led to the conclusion, by myself. 

~ The Alchemist ~ What a fantastic story. 

It's Just A Number...Or Is It? (Hug A Vet Day)

11/11/11 looks like an ominous date.  Everything I've seen from the number eleven means angels are trying to speak to you.  The sum of this date is number 6.  Here's what I've determined from numerology:

Number 6 is the number of compassion, harmony, and responsibility.  Sounds appropriate to show compassion on Veteran's Day.  Or my termonology--hug a vet day! (or even a little bit more as the case may be). I'm only free to express my gratitude to you all on the forums and not in a carnal way so...I'd like to thank my Veteran's out there!  You are awesome!

Back to dates...I'm not inclined to think anything exponentially tremendous, good or bad, will happen today but I do know that the number eleven is a number in which Angels try to communicate to you.  On this day you might get a tap on the shoulder with no one being behind you or you might miracoulously be saved from an accident.  People might get a feeling of spirituality.  

It's also a good day to perform visual, musical or performing arts.  I'm going to include writing 'cause it's visual.  Riding horses could be a form of performing art.  Yeah that's it!  So while the date might be a peculiar oddity it's really just another number...or is it?

Balance Does Not Mean Equal

I came across a tid-bit of information I found interesting.  A doctor told me trace amounts of sionide in our bodies is necessary for our good health.  This made me realize that balance does not mean equal parts but rather amounts of things that come together to make the whole ideal.  

Ideal is another objective word.  Ideal is not perfect or even excellent but rather what one wants in a situation.  Ideal for one may not be ideal for another just like excellence but ideal is separate because it's a situation that does not require your all.  

I only stray from the original thought to make clear that ideal and balance both sometimes have misconceptions placed upon those poor little words.  So when I say one must have a ratio of balance between work, marketing, and training for a small business I dont mean split the time up in equal parts.  

As I discussed before markeitng, training, customer service and actual work is summed up in not parts of 25% each but rather larger and smaller chunks.  This is the balance I'm talking about.  Everyone's balance is different.  You might be able to balance a healthy diet of 55% vegetables and 45% candy.  So when you see the scales think of justice not balance because half and half won't even out if one scale has an elephant and the other a mouse. 

 

10 Minutes At A Time

I can't recall how many times I've read this term.  When I plan on sitting down and writing I don't think of time, I think of scenes.  All I ever want to do is write one scene a day. 

Sometimes that can take as long as eight hours.  Knowing that can give me mind cramps.  Eight hours?  I don't often have eight hours to write.  Heck, I don't often have eight hours to work most days.  But what pushes me to start is "10 minutes". 

It's not a case of attention span, it's a case of cramming every bit of life in a day.  I never say something will take me just 10 minutes.  I don't lie to myself like that.  I say I'll work on it for 10 minutes.  It's enough to get over the anxiety of not working on something else and get writing.  Somedays I can write for eight hours just sticking to the 10 minutes rule.  I get interupted like anyone else but roll with it.  Breaking down a story by scenes helps me create the best book possible.  Every scene is important.  I look at it from the perspective that I can come to it fresh.  I don't write like a mad woman for those 10 minutes.  I ponder my route, I think of what I want to say and I might get a sentence on paper.  But I don't compare my progress to others. 

I write how I write and sometimes I can only write that one 10 minute sentence in a day.  Hey look I wrote this post in ten minutes and I've written one novel like that.  If I can do it...

The Steve Jobs I Knew...

Saw this post and thought...This is the Steve Jobs I knew!  He was an ass...and we LOVED him for it!

CLICK HERE for Steve Jobs was a jerk-good for him! 

I still curse him for his "you must do it my way!" but hey Gene Marks has a point!

The Little Boot That Couldn't

This post could also be called wardrobe failure.  Since I'm on the subject of old horse stories this week I'll tell you another. 

Now some of you know how annoying it can be when you have a bra strap flopping down while riding in a lesson or have a helmet try to pop off right in the middle of your second level dressage test so let me explain by saying I understand.

The helmet in my second level dressage test did not actually come off due to my amazing flexible balance and the ever patient Arianne but also because I've had practice with a failing wardrobe. 

While Pam was giving me a lesson on Cordova we practiced on circle, circle, circle.  My ten meter circle was more like twelve and my boot during the lesson had broken and lost its lace.  While doing the circles every so often I would pull up my boot because it was sliding.

Now for those who might be lost in the significance of all this let me explain.  I was using my outside leg, the one with the boot with no laces, to turn Cordova in a smaller circle.  This requires you to kick the living m****r-f***ing-s**t out of your leg.  Every kick was making my boot slide further and further.

I wasn't complaining, I wasn't stopping, I was simply using my hand to pull up the sliding boot.  After half my lesson it was obvious Pam was done with my wardrobe failure and blared over the intercom her displeasure.  "I don't care if your bra and top are coming off keep riding!" 

If you know me, I follow directions as best I can to the letter.  So I kicked and kicked to make my circles smaller without pulling up my boot.  At first I thought I could keep my boot on by pushing down on my stir-up but it just wasn't enough pressure because my kicks were also helping the boot slide further down.  Within one circle that boot said-I'm outta here!

Cordova being the gentleman, and not caring a damn about my failing wardrobe, and I went on.  The boot slid off, hung in the stir-up for a circle and plopped to the ground while my little dirt stain sock pitifully asked for my steed to make a ten meter circle. 

Pam, laughing hysterically, could not find words or the desire to go on with my lesson.  Me, Cordova and my sock were able to get down to eleven meters that day but after that incident, and the generosity of friends, I never had a want for boots. 

So keep a extra pair of field laces, wear a sports bra and never stop riding when you think it's going to fall off.  Oh, and don't try to stuff paper napkins in place of a well-fitting helmet.

We Never Get Past The Smiley Faces

• This was a previous post from Oct. 20th, 2009 on livejournal

My friend, Caryn, was writing out the check for Apollo the other night when I saw she made a cute little smiley face on the check she put in the envelope. That brought me back to a time long ago...

I'm cleaning up the barn isle after Pam gave a hard lesson of screaming "outside reign" to a satisfied masochistic client (aren't they all) when she picked up the training checks. This five foot two, hard as nails, tough blond that I have ut-most respect for and am a little afraid of looks at all the checks and I hear her give out a squeak. It's a high pitched sound that would come out of a mouse not a whip wielding hard nosed dressage trainer.

She's dialing her phone and waits for the pick-up. I can tell from the conversation who the client was because of the horses name given. Unless the client has done something completely stupid Pam is sweet, accommodating and informative. Unless you're in a lesson. Anyway... she was blah blah blahing and then I hear "So why didn't I get a smiley face on my check? Did I do something wrong?"

This was the point in which I start laughing hysterically. I look on the check and nope, no smiley face as this client usually does. The clients response? "I was in a hurry and didn't think about it. No, you didn't do anything wrong."

I'm pounding the walls, howling, crying (trust me you just had to be there). I told my story to Caryn, she said, "We never get past the smiley faces."

I can tell you, it's true.

I Am My Worth

5'8 feet, 135lbs., 15% body fat, curvy, no scars or physical ailments and a face that many people didn't take damage from (or at least only one person ever admitted to me having a horrible smile).  You would think a girl would be happy with her looks.  It goes to prove that your physical body screaming "hey I'm every bit as thin as a Vogue model and I've got my health" doesn't mean you feel it.

Even with the mirror proving that I was every bit as beautiful as I'd ever be, I didn't believe it.  I'd see a face that was an alien.  I mean literally, I thought my face was, well, freakish.  Huge eyes, long horse face and a chin that narrowed down to a point so sharp you could cut diamonds with.  No other girls I'd seen had hips like mine.  Girls thighs were just as flat as guys and mine are "well defined".  So I accepted what I had, which in itself was a sort of confidence that guys like, and never found myself for want.

Accepting and loving are two very different things and until it was ten years after my senior picture I really saw things differently.  I was in my dad's office (then it was McKibben Communications) and I turned around and came face to face with the eighteen year old me.  My senior picture brought me this epiphany that I shall not soon forget.  There I was, younger, more adorable, even thinner and smiling.  Who is she?  I thought.  Oh.  That was me. 

Now some of you don't ever change from high school and I'd say I hadn't drastically changed but changed enough to remember how the younger me felt like an adopted alien.  Honestly I still felt like an adopted alien ten years later.  But that picture made me think to myself, "And I thought I was ugly."  Side by side to my best friend Nicole, I was a gunny sack wearing, buck toothed, straw-haired, dull eyed red-headed step-child.  She was the glamourous one everybody wanted, I was "Stephanie? Ick." 

Some women go through life thinking they are the red-headed step-child but when I came face to face with the eighteen year old me at twenty eight I had a resolve that would not wear off.  I will stop wishing my body had thinner thighs or flatter stomach because what I have today is going to be a hell of a lot better than ten years from now.  "I am beutiful", I said outloud.  Not was, not will be, right now.

Whenever the epiphany fades I look in the mirror and command myself to say, "You are beautiful" until it converts to "I am beautiful".  That saying of "if people say it enough times you'll believe it" works if you say it too.  I had to repeat the words until I believed it with conviction. 

Pity for oneself is demeaning.  I've not relayed this story for confirmation or compliment.  It was simply the truth of how I felt.  I do not feel that way anymore.  This story is for that twenty-eight year old that looks in the mirror and felt the way I did.  This story is for my niece who doesn't have the confidence yet to realize she could match up to Angelina Jolie.  It's for my brother who might think he's some ordinary looking guy and my mom who might think her laugh lines make her "look old".  It's for my friends who think the grey in their hair signifies anything other than a change of color pigment.  If you don't see what I see then you need to look in the mirror and say it with me outloud...

I Am My Worth because I feel it.

Why Walk When You Can Fly?

I am born to soar, I live for flight. A lover of freedom, enamoured of fun, I adventure to places on the map - and in the heart - where romance reigns and everyday reality shimmers with pleasure, privilege, and promise. I am Flying Adventures, the lifestyle travel magazine for owners and passengers of private aircraft, and I am savvy, sassy, seductive.

For those of uncompromising taste, for those whose passion is planes, I am the stories told of the aviator's element, for whom flying is life+style.

An aesthetic of adventure, with sophisticated polish, I am clever, cultured, witty - irreverent. And yet, for all my allure for such qualities of character, it just may be my looks - one-of-a-kind, and good - that find you awake late into the night, too excited, too enthralled to turn away toward lesser delights. For whether it's business in Boston or pleasure in Palm Springs, sleeping in Seattle, mingling in Miami, or doing deals in Dallas, it is I who will take you there, where life is grand and possibilities beckon. Where work and play are words to interchange, and the very nature of time can seem custom-tailored - that is, for those who dare to dream dreams that fly far, far above the ordinary.

Yes, I adventure to places on the map - and in the heart - where wanderlust is a welcome nudge that whispers - that insists - it's time (isn't it always time?) to rev-up the plane and fly! I am Flying Adventures, and as a magazine meant to stir the soul and inflame the imagination, I am the one travel companion too wonderful not to soar with dreamers, with doers - with you - far, far above the ordinary.

Another find I absolutely had to share!  My travels on the internet have taken me to so many places worth mention that I should deem a bookmark dedicated to these places to go back to for inspiration.  Instead, I've made a tag under "Quotes" and "Words worth mention" so I can look upon them in a whole to show everyone these places I've been.  And, I do mean places because I may be sitting in a chair and looking at a screen, but these sites are sites that take the whole of my being and cast it into a feeling of bliss.  Bliss might be a feeling but it's also a destination inside the mind. 

Flying Adventures web site - the destination I've traveled to.

Persistence Is Key

Andrew Cook

“Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
 
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
 
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
 
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” - The Cook guiding principles.

This needed to be shared.  There is something in this man's face that screams Hank Rearden.  Not as the guilty separation of mind and body but the soul of a man that keeps going.  Determination.  Persistence.  The essence of the heart that beats.  In this picture the Chairman (Andrew Cook) looks like the embodiment of what guides him.