The Little Boot That Couldn't

This post could also be called wardrobe failure.  Since I'm on the subject of old horse stories this week I'll tell you another. 

Now some of you know how annoying it can be when you have a bra strap flopping down while riding in a lesson or have a helmet try to pop off right in the middle of your second level dressage test so let me explain by saying I understand.

The helmet in my second level dressage test did not actually come off due to my amazing flexible balance and the ever patient Arianne but also because I've had practice with a failing wardrobe. 

While Pam was giving me a lesson on Cordova we practiced on circle, circle, circle.  My ten meter circle was more like twelve and my boot during the lesson had broken and lost its lace.  While doing the circles every so often I would pull up my boot because it was sliding.

Now for those who might be lost in the significance of all this let me explain.  I was using my outside leg, the one with the boot with no laces, to turn Cordova in a smaller circle.  This requires you to kick the living m****r-f***ing-s**t out of your leg.  Every kick was making my boot slide further and further.

I wasn't complaining, I wasn't stopping, I was simply using my hand to pull up the sliding boot.  After half my lesson it was obvious Pam was done with my wardrobe failure and blared over the intercom her displeasure.  "I don't care if your bra and top are coming off keep riding!" 

If you know me, I follow directions as best I can to the letter.  So I kicked and kicked to make my circles smaller without pulling up my boot.  At first I thought I could keep my boot on by pushing down on my stir-up but it just wasn't enough pressure because my kicks were also helping the boot slide further down.  Within one circle that boot said-I'm outta here!

Cordova being the gentleman, and not caring a damn about my failing wardrobe, and I went on.  The boot slid off, hung in the stir-up for a circle and plopped to the ground while my little dirt stain sock pitifully asked for my steed to make a ten meter circle. 

Pam, laughing hysterically, could not find words or the desire to go on with my lesson.  Me, Cordova and my sock were able to get down to eleven meters that day but after that incident, and the generosity of friends, I never had a want for boots. 

So keep a extra pair of field laces, wear a sports bra and never stop riding when you think it's going to fall off.  Oh, and don't try to stuff paper napkins in place of a well-fitting helmet.