Hug A Vet Day...Memorial Day Rememberance

It's not my unusual blog day, but it is the blog about my life and to ignore this day, for me, would not be possible. 

This is my one day where I can stop and cry for those faithful, those still living, long past, and yet to come. 

Those who give their lives for a purpose greater than themselves. Greater than us all. 

There will always be conflict. And these men and women will be there for it. 

You are my heroes. 

 

YELLING AT YOUR BOSS IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL...AND THE COMPANY

No--this is not a license to arbitrarily or deliberately yell at your boss. This is not the go-ahead to tell your boss they are a crappy leader. 

Bosses are people too. No matter how irritated or intimidated you feel towards them.

But there is a time and a place to voice your opinion. If you are afraid to speak up, this is a reflection on you, not how "bad" your boss is. Living with integrity means not demeaning yourself or your thoughts. Being afraid to speak up is saying you have nothing of worth to say and that's bullshit.

I've found two main categories of bosses. 

a) Bosses who don't want to be questioned.

b) Bosses who want to lead a team.

Both types have an ego. Sorry, but bosses are bosses because they feel they can do a job better than anybody else. Take ego in mind when you speak to them. But always remember they are your umbrella getting shit on while your in a safe dry cuby-hole. They shoulder more weight than you, the worker, care to take on. Never forget that. But never deny your ideas and thoughts are valuable. 

You know the Boss "A" type ~ don't tell them what to do because they don't want to hear it. Projects will be done their way or the highway. Sometimes it's difficult to tell Boss "A" from Boss "B". When your boss is proven wrong, the light of which one they are will be apparent.  Boss "A" ignores you, throws a fit, etc.  Boss "B" will be shocked and then say, "hey, whatever works!"

When you want to yell at boss "A" don't threaten or question. Present your "yelling" in words of "Hey, take a look at this data, I found it interesting..." the report proves its point and everyone saves face. These bosses may (not always) take your ideas and make them their own. If it's good for the company that keeps you employed, you win. However, if you are in need of recognition...may I suggest you become a boss. 

When you do yell at boss "B" they tend to get a twinkle in their eye that says, "I love a fighter." These bosses are usually overbearing, demanding and disguise themselves as a Boss "A". But there are fundamental differences. Boss "B" will give you credit and then pile more responsibility on your shoulders. Boss "B" will listen to your rant and then tell you to do it their way anyway, but they will give you tools to help. Boss "B" is looking to streamline your process. 

Now, you might say to me, but my boss is nothing like that, she's so nice. That's more of a doormat than a boss. A true boss, even one that deserves your respect, will still invoke a bit of fear or awe in you.

What ever type of boss you have doesn't matter. Bottling up suggestions, feeling abused or feeling you can't say anything because you'll lose your job doesn't help the company. Good workers don't stay in an environment of abuse or neglect. Feel your worth and voice it ~ but choose your words carefully ~ bosses do cry, feel they've let you down and can generally feel crappy about having to be hard on their people.

The goal is to be a team. Not scream at each other.

Do Manners Mean Having To Change Who You Are?

Example: I'm boisterous, I'm myself, but when someone takes my pen, I track it with hawk's eyes. When someone swipes I pen I bought, or was gifted to me, sometimes I don't concentrate on their conversation and only concentrate on when I'm going to get my pen back. Mostly because people don't give me my pen back. 

I believe we can agree that giving my pen back is only courteous, but so many people forget. Things other people do is touch the knobs on my dash while in my car. But what about when I'm being my boisterous self? When I'm too loud in public sometimes I need to be shushed. When friends shush me, sometimes I do pipe down, sometimes I don't. It's because of my passion. So what do you think? should I shut my mouth? What things might people want to curb for etiquette? Tell me! I'd be interested to know!

Learn To Love Being A Superhero

Ladies stop being a victim. Realize your power. Maybe you didn't want your super power and influence, but unless you get a sex change, you need to take responsibility for it. 

You are one beautiful, sexy, persuasive woman. This super power you have IS BEING A WOMAN. Because you are a woman, you have tremendous power over men. More so than you'd like. More so than ever desired. But you do. It's there and it's there to stay. 

Nothing you can do will obfuscate your super power. Not baggy clothes. Not freaky make-up. Not a breast reduction. Not walking hunched over. Not eating bucket fulls of chocolate. Not looking away from every guy in the universe. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Not anything but maybe a sex change. If you want to be controlled, become a man.

Unless you're willing to go to extremes, you have a responsibility. You can abuse that power and responsibility, or you can walk tall and be the power within.

Imagine for a moment that you couldn't cry. No cathartic tears could ever grace your cheeks. Imagine everyone saying you are disposable. You are the wall between death and your family. Imagine you were never taught, nor allowed to process or deal with the emotions inside you. Pretend now that you were discourage with pain, humiliation and brutal emotional fierceness never to show your feelings. 

If you can image all that, if you can pretend you could live in a world as such, then you understand men completely. 

Because even though men were taught to deal with their testosterone poisoning with physical contact, restrained by hazing, and beaten down to hide every emotion they go wild for women. They go out of their minds crazy. Men near women = crazytown. 

All their restraint -- gone.

Women have the power to unwind all training and careful practice with just their fingertips. 

That is a super power. 

It's not their fault, ladies. It's just that your capabilities can render men to do very stupid things. They will shout at you to get your attention. Their brains will short circuit and they will say the most inane things in the history of man. They will turn perverted because you have a direct line to their mid-waist.

Ladies, this is a serious responsibility. You can not go in the den of men willy-nilly. Because they are desperate to please you, you must smile and let some of those nerdy things they do pass without judgement. Such powers as yours must be kept in control because men are fragile. They will fall all over you at the crook of a finger. And, no, they simply can not leave you alone. Because as I said--you short circuit their brain, training and restraint. 

Please take care with your power. The worst thing you can do is ignore a man trying to get your attention. This will only make them more desperate. Acknowledge them. It is a failing of theirs but it is the price you pay for your super powers. You have the control. You own it without fail. Nothing you can do will turn off this power. You have it even after you die. Men will mourn. Shout at the sky and generally go crazy if any harm came to you. 

Accept who and what you are. To be female is to have control over the greatest super power ever (even beyond Superman). Don't let anyone tell you different.  

Deep Thought

This may seem odd, but Doctors that want to help 3rd world countries aren't going there to "be green" or "live off the land". 

They are going there to raise the health of the people that don't have higher technology. I think about this when someone claims advancement has ruined everyone's lives. 

Really? 

So teaching people good with a scalpel how to remove cataracts ruins lives? All immunizations ruins peoples lives? Burning clean fuel for fire ruins peoples live? 

Technology, like many things, has two sides. A simple life is not an easy one. Nor is epic laziness, the epitome of where all technology comes from. 

But does all technology improve lives? 

-snort- 

No. 

But I seem to recall people saying things like "if he'd had this kind of cancer ten years ago, he'd be dead right now." 

Maybe life is advancement. Advancement is growth. But like a bad cell gone wild, not all growth is good. Nature demands we grow or die. I still think of that T-shirt "Save the planet, kill yourself".

Perhaps that is what people who blame technology want. They are welcome to the death that comes with stagnation. I will be happy to live in my air conditioning, selecting foods I deem safe for my body and burn clean fuel for heat, driving my electric car and communicating to all my friends in different states via Google hang-out.  

You don't know what you're missing!

Dichotomy Of Committing

Men really like their ownership. 

So what's with the dichotomy of not committing? Well, there are factors. Let's take a look at how men see commitment, shall we?

Responsibility.
He now becomes your protector, your provider. He feels his freedom is gone forever.

Women feel this is ridiculous. Of course your an independent woman who can make her own choices and commitment means freedom not the lack of it!

But, looking at this from the man's Point of view, here's what he's thinking:

1. Society teaches men they are providers and protectors. Fantastic. Here's what this really means. Guys you are disposable. You get to fight and die for your family. Sounds like fun, huh?

Ridiculous, you say. This isn't medieval times.  

No, but he still has to go to work put food on the table, make sure you're free from roaming bachelors that might take you away, responsibility of taking care of family and that means no time for play thus--no freedom. 

Unless...you prove you are the fun! 

Do you start with questions with...

1. Did you...
2. Why don't you...
3. Can you...

To a guy, those are demands. They are cages you use to circumvent freedom.

Let's replace did you... 
with
What can I do to help you?

Replace Why don't you...
with
Relax, I've got it.

Instead of can you...
say
It would make me so happy if...

There are so many things I see women getting frustrated about that can be avoided. 

First, pretend you're single, and it's all up to you. What I mean by this is, be that confident woman you are. The man in your house is not your maid, and you're not his. 

Second, you are responsible for your own happiness. Not him, not the dog, you. Go out and do things without him. 

Third, don't ask him where he's been. It's his business. Don't volunteer where you've been. It's our business. 

You might think this sounds like less intimacy, but these things create more. The profound freedom in knowing your not responsible for his happiness, and you are responsible for yours is more intimate when you both come together and share experiences through your partners eyes. 

   

      

Mr. Penn Jillette--My New Role Model

Dear Mr. Jillette,

I saw, or rather heard, an interview with you and three women of hysterical ravings about "the gun issue". These women were so incredibly hysterical that I wanted to shut them the hell up. I was going to beg my boyfriend to change the channel until your rational, calm voice brought focus into my world. 

It was like a espresso shot of zen. In the face of such chaotic panic you remained stoic and unaffected by frantic musings of your hosts that typify "hysterical woman". 

My heart went out to you when you sympathetically explained that you had friends with Asperger syndrome and to please don't make fun or blame those people with that affliction for what one individual, with the same affliction, did. 

This note is a hug and a thank you for remaining collected in the face of irrational passion. 

I know those ladies were expressing their fear. They feel helpless and want someone to deal with the problem which is the reason for the high-pitched antics. But, fear and panic is not what the topic needed. 

I am forever your fan.

Sincerely, 

S.N.McKibben

Hot Cup Of Love Challenge

I found this post from the Searching For The Happiness blog and had to share!  It's about creating tender moments and stoking the fires of love. These are 21 day challenges you can do to bring your relationship back in the forefront of your life.

  http://www.hotcupoflove.com/lovechallenge/

Prince Charming...Is A Lie

He's not perfect. He's my kind of perfect. You see I've let go of the biggest romatic/relationship LIE ever told. 

Prince charming WILL BE...

...so drop dead gorgeous that every  woman on the planet will want him--even lesbians. (Ha! I didn't believe that one)

...will only have you in his mind and won't look at other women. AND regardless that he wants to watch Die Hard and you want to watch Pride and Prejudice, he'll go see the movie you want. (YUK! Can I join you and watch Die hard?)

...will bring you gifts or tokens of undying love. (Okay, DW does do that. I've figured out it's him bringing me coffee, or him bringing me my forgotten lunch from home, or my cell phone or sending me kisses via text)

...will own a white horse and ride up on said stallion and take you away into the sunset. (Where exactly is the sunset? Do we just ride and become burning smolders from heat stroke or does it get dark and then what do we do? Besides, I was the one who owned the white horse--that wouldn't let any guy ride him.)

...will own a castle and bring you to the top of the hill to square you away. (Ummm...he has a house alright and it's everything I can do to clean it. Yes, it's big and a pain in the rear to clean. I love the house, I love, love, love it...I have a dog and cats and I get to clean their poo but when things break. Oiy!) 

...will fight to the death just to kiss you. (Yeah. In real life that's escalates Stockholm syndrome and typically you wake up two years later wondering why your with this guy.)

...will know every thought and bend to your every whim.

...will be this AMAZING lover. He'll know everything about your body and want sex every 5 minutes. (Exhausting, you know the typical time it takes for a girl to get off is 40 minutes--I'm not the exception. While never leaving the bed is great, this blog wouldn't be possible if that were the case.)

...will know you are the one instantly! (pft! Took me 6 dang years. Maybe he knew instantly)

...will love and cherish you and do everything you say! He'll even read your mind and jump to your snap, he'll never look at another woman and...

 

STOP!

 

No, I did not believe in all that. What I did believe was my problems and issues would go away when my Prince Charming came through the door.  

I had this list of attributes I wanted in a man without really knowing what those attributes looked like in the real world. 

When you say I want him to have integrity, well then, what does that look like in real life? I'll tell you, it looks like me hemming and hawing, embarrassed, because DW won't let me get screwed by a movie theater employee for screwing up my ticket. 

What does thoughtful look like? Bringing me tea in the evening when I'm working. 

What does handsome look like? No, he's not Joe-football-I'm-a-star, but I get dizzy when he kisses me--every time. 

The rest of my list was not long, but it wasn't paltry either. All those things I wanted--I've forgotten. 

I'm too busy experiencing who I'm with now to make checklist of who I want to be with. There are things I'd like. He's not the most organized person. But I am. He can be Mr. Oblivious, but he over looks when I become "Mrs. Grace". He doesn't wear the latest fashions. He's not rich, but our bills are paid. He's not an alpha male but I'm a bit of a bossy mare. 

The point is,you have been lied to and it's time you wake up from the dream. It isn't real. Prince Charming is another way of saying that the person you are with will solve all your problems. 

Solve your own problems. Don't try to solve his. Learn that men do have feelings and wants of their own. Learn that people must take care of themselves before they can take care of anything else. 

When I say learn, I mean go to seminars, seek out relationship counselors, talk to others, discuss this fairy tale that does so much damage to how you interact with men--even if you do happen to have your "Prince Charming". I got lucky. DW is well kept secret.

 

 

TMI

That dream you had as a kid -- the naked one standing in a room full of strangers/peers?  

Yeah, that can become a real life situation.  

When people start calling you boo-boo-snooki-nu-nu and ask what position your going to try tonight to redeem yourself from last night...ouch.  Maybe you don't go into sexual detail, but when we're frustrated, social media can be an outlet.  

Just maybe put those exploits in a journal capable of being marked personal or private, as in your eyes only. 

Also, why do you want to break that level of trust?  Is it going to improve your relationship?  How is everyone knowing about your exploits going to help you?  Are you expecting a shrink to give you answers?  You risk people giving you even worse advice or pointing and laughing.

My point being the 24 hour rule.  Don't DO anything until 24 hours have passed.  You'll avoid embarrassment.  This rule has saved me many a time.   

 

You Are A Super Hero!

You have superpowers.  You are a super power.  You have Googlefoo or twitterpow or fbsavy.  You have green light karma or photographic memory.  We all have powers taken for granted. 

Saying we're all special -- the same as saying we're not?  

Bullshit.  Every superpower is different.  Just because we all have superpowers doesn't mean we're not special.  But people forget what a miracle it is to live.

When your superpowers are on, you change lives.  Your not a super hero every moment of the day.  Your a super hero in moments of a day.  

You have the power to make people smile, laugh or feel good inside.  You have the choice to go about your business, but you stop for the lost puppy getting into traffic that NO ONE ELSE seems to be able to catch.  

Claim that as no super power.  Screw you.  You just saved a dog and a mom with her newborn from imminent collision and death.   

The world isn't driven by angels or some unnamed force.  It is more terrifying and freeing than any of us could know.  Free will is the power of responsibility.  We have it.  People drive karma, life paths and destiny.  We are the super hero's.  

What we need is to use the power more often.  Awareness is a super power.  Use it to discover what other powers you have.  

Dedicated to United Airlines Flight 93. 

Celebrate Freedom

I really don't know what to say other than thank you.  Thank you to those who fight for freedom.  Not just soldiers who physically, actually fight for the literal freedom, but others who still hold up the same value that they don't live for me and I don't live for them.

I don't want another to live for me.  I don't want another to pay my wage unearned.  I don't want to be taken care of by you.  There is only a certain amount one can govern me before I will kill or commit suicide.  I know this by first-hand account. 

Replace the word "help" with "control".  How many times have you heard, "I just want to help you."  When I hear that, I run.  Conversely, I don't want to live for another.  I don't want to pay your wage unearned.  I don't want to take care of you.  

When I say wage, you think green dollar bills, but a mother earns her wage and doesn't see money.  A nurse takes care of patients but she's earned her pay.  These two professions don't give or take anything, they earn it.  

Even my dog earns her living.  She's my personal trainer, encourager and reminder to get off my ass.  She can out run me, has more stamina than me, she keeps me moving.  She's my doorbell, pizza announcer, dishwasher and adoring fan.  She's only $100/monthly.  How much is your personal trainer?  Does he clean your dishes "redneck" style?

My cat is the exterminator.  Once a month she gets rid of at least one rat, squirrel, rodent and she's a great mop too.  Oh and that's her night job.  During the day she feeds and cleans five kittens.  She's only $50/month and doesn't ask me for anything but food and water. 

My boyfriend is "world" informer, sparring partner, hug-o-meter, lunch maker, social alibi and trust me, he's paid for.  Money doesn't buy him, but other things do.  

These things are earned.  When you start thinking I need to pay for your healthcare, that it's owed to you, are you willing to accept or trust the resentment your neighbor will have when you get cancer and he has to pay for it.  People might think they are better off if your dead.  

You might think that extreme but when you remove the value that I don't live for you and you don't live for me, what would you expect?  We are survival creatures and if you continue to make it more difficult to survive, then expect those survival instincts to come out swinging.  Men are not ants.  People were designed to think for themselves. When you take the brain away, expect an animal.  

To any left to think for themselves and those that stand up for it, Happy 4th of July.  

Disrespect Of A Name?

How am I to respond to someone who puts extra syllables or twists my name into a slang term?  What makes a person slur a name?  Is it familiarity or disrespect?  

Why call me Sturf instead of using the exotic beautiful name Stephanie?  Stephy is even fine with me.  But contorting my name into some kind of familiarization that you don't have, I find, comes from a malice one wishes to hide.  

 

Perhaps it's meant to irritate, but why?  Perhaps it's meant to endear and I can understand that.  

People have a sense of who they are and their name is their own.  Mangling a name is like a desecration of who you are.  What ego gain is there by playing with syllables of a person's identity?

Perhaps I'm the only one who feels this way?  Tell me if I am.

Childhood "Friends"

What cruelty has age sunk to when long-time hated zits from my teenage years come back to remind me of childhood insecurities?  

Thankfully they are not the boils I had to soak in a compress to relieve but they are the same painful-to-the-touch, annoying white heads with their own personalities playing practical jokes on my face. 

Go ahead, tell me I'm lucky to have skin that "oily".  Tell me it'll make my skin that much softer in old age.  Then let me direct you to the scars from zits on my chin.  I've managed to tone down these pox like warts by wax dermabrasion--every month.  One of the girls won't wax me anymore because I cry too much. 

So here I am, me and my whiteheads.  But this time I look at them and say, go ahead guys, do your worst because I really don't give a crap about you anymore.  Funny how childhood insecurities can poof into thin air like that.  I'm not loved for the lack of blemishes on my face or the cellulite on my body.  I have more to offer than something skin deep.  I think my "little friends" just wanted to remind me of that.   

I love men!

You are funny, you shock me with your observations, you're willing to go along with my antics and I can tease you mercilessly without you taking it seriously.  But if I mistakenly jab you in the balls you'll give me that look--I know I've crossed the line.  I'll apologize and knock it off and that's the end of it.  No grudges. 

Your friends gag when I talk about you because they're jealous that all I have to say are the wonderful things you did or said.  You make my life easy and I'll stand witness to all your achievements.   

There is no fantasy guy out there or in my mind that I'm comparing you to.  I don't need you and I'm not disillusioned that you need me, but I want you and you want me and that's all we need.  

You understand your desire to possess me is frighting and I'll do everything in my power to carefully avoid strings of attachment.  That doesn't mean that I don't love you.  It means I'm here now, today.  Tomorrow isn't certain.  

That doesn't mean I won't be here tomorrow, it means I'm fierce about my independence and I can love without feeling possessive.  This may confuse you.  You'll feel lost or unloved at times but it's so far from the truth and my heart will ache if you believe those lies.   

The part of you, the side that you fight with all day long, you can drop the reins when you come home and go with it.  I'm not afraid of your beast.  You'll find strength from me and grow from it.  

You'll come to understand that if we grow apart and it's your time to leave, I won't cause a huge scene because of my lack of possessiveness.  I want the best for you and I'm not afraid of what the future brings for me with or without you. 

Or you'll grow with me an never want to leave.

The Wise Old Crone Is Talking To You

Men seek knowledge.  Women have wisdom.  It's interesting to see that men seek what they think women have.  Yet, why is it that no one listens to the wise crone?  There is one in every one of us. 

This could be the fourth time, this year, someone has asked me to "slap" them from making a mistake.  

I always do, but even when I make my observations they never take the advice.  Maybe they believe their way is right.  Maybe they can't see the train wreck coming.  Perhaps I don't bullet point the occurrences I see happening, but even when I do no one listens. 

When you seek out advice from the crone, this could be the reason why she speaks in riddles.  You're not going to listen to her anyways.  You're too close to the situation.  

If she were to speak the plain truth--you're future wife is Cthulhu.  Don't switch jobs, you'll be worse off than you are now.  Please don't lower your insurance--oops I'm sorry.  If I said these things, all it would do is hurt your feelings. 

One seeks the Crone to be justified.  Then blame the crone for not warning you.  Fantastic.  The secret to the Crone is, her knowledge is for HER benefit, not yours.  You know why?  Cause her knowledge was gained with wisdom.  Hard, life altering, painful school-of-hard-knocks learning wisdom.  Her lessons aren't your lessons. 

If you have the open mind to heed the crone, you're life could easily avoid soul crushing failure.  Maybe that's not better though.  You see, wisdom of the Crone is knowing enough to know she knows little, that others paths don't follow hers, everyone needs to learn the hard way, and they aren't going to listen anyway. 

So the next time you seek guidance, the next time you read the tarot, the next time you search for the right path, you must understand that this is your journey.  Each one is unique.  Each path is yours.  You have a Crone and it's your choice to listen.  

I Believe That...

Inspired tribute to American Gods.  In a scene near the end of American Gods by Neil Gaiman, one of the characters explains what she believes in.  It's inspiring and awesome along with the book.  I highly recommend it!

I Believe That...

 

People can change if they want to but they can't change if someone else wants them to.

E-books and traditional publishing will still be around 100 years from now but traditional publishing might not be 200 years from now.

Planet earth is so far in the boondocks that it's going to take us humans to go visit for life in the center of the galaxy.

Another planet in the opposite end of the boondocks is wondering when we'll show up.

I could eat PBJ's for lunch every week day but maybe not every weekend.

You should take care of what you think in your head because it shapes your soul.

When I die I will be missed even if no one knows who I am.

Because the sky is blue and the grass is green I've adapted to love those colors as the epitome of health.

Crying is the soul bleeding and tears are poison that needs an outlet for one to heal.

Death is an adventure.

Righteousness is an eternal inheritance and Alucard will come for you one day.

Love is God, not the other way around.

Hell is not a place or a destination but your own personal nightmare that needs to be confronted before you gain true confidence.

Zack Fair is a sexy-ass whatever he is.

Marcus interferes with my life more often than I'd like to admit.

Fun is a requirement to live, otherwise you exist.

Google is the next American God.

Just because I talk to myself, doesn't make me crazy, it makes me sane.

Kindness should be sprinkled out liberally everyday so that this world doesn't become intolerable.

With Corso Riggs by my side, I will defeat Darth Vader.

Those who tell me to shut up are those I shouldn't bother talking with.

The safest place on earth is under a rainbow.

Reality is too constrictive when it comes to imagination and children.

Stephanie is the most beautiful girls name ever.

Opening your heart to yourself can be dangerous but worth the risk because if you don't it has no reason to beat.

Yak's spit to be funny.

No one can make you feel a certain way, but that doesn't give them license to hide behind when they try to hurt you or say something that's "truthful".

The Queen Chess piece should never be relied upon; she's a woman and can change her mind and sides.

Vegan's don't understand that this world is not fair, but I admire their choice, not because they are "superior" and don't eat meat but because going without something that the body needs for years takes beyond the will to live and longevity or a devil's worth of self loathing.  

X is the universal sign for "this is worth the booby-trap that might kill you."