Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Don't Trust Attraction

In the 15th century, love was thought of as a mental illness.  Symptoms were not eating, not sleeping, anxiety, forgetfulness, racing pulse rate, sweaty palms, fever, loss of reason and sometimes cognizant abilities.  Sounds like the side-effects of Zanex. 

No wonder people use to think you were taken over by illness.  You're acting totally irrational -- doing things you wouldn't do, not really conscious about doing bad things while you're in a totally blitzed out state.  Yeah, that sounds pretty much like a fever or a concussion.  Take over your mind, make you do horrible things and make you feel good about it. 

Why does attraction evoke this nirvana-like state?  It's a chemical reaction.  Chemicals drive us because ultimately we need to produce children to survive.  I believe these chemicals get together and say, "hey, that biological match over there would make a great offspring!  Let's do it!  Pour out the endorphins!"  Which causes you to behave as someone possessed. 

That is why attraction CAN NOT be trusted for choosing companionship.  The hell you say Stephanie!  Well, if you have a healthy relationship with your parents, a decent up-bringing with no trauma and a good moral compass then yeah, maybe you wouldn't have trouble finding that companion that you are attracted to.  Now for the rest of those that didn't have the perfect childhood then listen up.  Your "instincts" are not to be trusted.  That's right, do not listen to the insanity of attraction. 

Here is what you do instead.  You get to know the person you have something in common with but you don't necessarily want to jump into bed with right away.  You learn about yourself in a way that doesn't feel like a train wreck three months down the line.  You make friends, platonic friends.  Find out what they like to do.  One day you might find that you like being with that person without having to talk.  That is companionship and that in itself is attractive. 

Being happy isn't the same as having this mega-attraction to a person.  Being happy isn't an illness, doesn't make you clean out your checking account and doesn't leave you with regrets.  Besides, the more attracted you are to another person, the more you want to impress them, the less you are yourself with them and vice-versa.  Your going to find your perfect 10 is a bunny boiler when you wake-up. 

My advice for those with less than desirable instincts -- if they are a magnet of attraction, run.  There's more chance of you having a real relationship with someone you think is just cute or adorable. 

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