What Are Agents Looking For?

Recently, Writers Digest inquired for submissions to writer's looking for agents. Ever the interested in Writer's Digest I looked upon the email and had to roll my eyes at some of the descriptions as to what they are looking for. 

Their specifics were a bit intimidating. Now, don't think I'm oblivious to brand. I get it. I really do. I also know it's really difficult to explain one's taste--i.e. I liked reading RR Martin, but not Tolkein. But trying to describe one as fantasy and the other as, well, something fantasyish with a darker story is like trying to describe how pinapple and coconut taste the same. 

What she's really saying is, please don't bore me with long-ass prose that goes nowhere--very politely. The funny thing is IMO -- both RR Marting and Tolkein wander a bit in their own right.  

Perhaps what I'm saying is I think agents trying to tell you what they want in a story can only go so far. It really is preference that you can't pin-point or nail down, only get a general feel for.