This IS My Head

A friend of mine recently said to me, "Wow, I'd like to live in your head for a day."  Well, actually that's what Nose Droppings is -- a daily dose of Stephanie.  It's my journal and the inner workings of my mind.  I'd just rather give you five minutes less your brain implodes!  Of course I try to give the best five minutes of the day. 

Here's today's:

Last Saturday I went around asking men "Why do men marry?"  Every one of their answers gave me insight.  I followed up with "Why did you marry?" (OR Why would you marry if the guy was never married) 

You're just chomping at the bit wanting me to spill it, don't cha?  Well, you'll have to ask me in person because the answers I got were way too personal and soul revealing to just blogsphere them.  Or, better yet, why don't you ask men yourself.  Just make sure they are mature enough for the question.  Men that avoid eye contact, hym and haw, or start playing around with the question might not be the best to ask.

Newton's Law

I can identify with the revelation Newton must have had with his epiphany - What goes up must come down.  I apply this law to the ever expanding universe.  What goes out must come in.  But there's a bit of a conundrum there. 

The apple that bonked Newton on the head was grown from a tree that grew up.  He didn't throw the apple up there.  That's the beautiful part of the revelation.  He didn't do anything to cause it.  But there's something more to just the law of gravity. 

It represents order, action and reaction.  It proves that in this world there are repercussions even if it does take fifteen or so years for the tree to grow, the apple to sprout and the fruit to rot enough to drop from the tree. 

It represents a cycle.  How do I apply this rule to everyday life?  It teaches us about consequence.  I think consequence is drilled into women a little more than men for the reason that women could be responsible for a child from one encounter.  (What goes in must come out?) 

But if we think about every consequence, that would be paralyzing.  Which is the right choice?  I've heard it said "Be in the moment".  If your in every moment and accept every moment as it is, where does it lead?  If we act and keep acting does that mean we can thwart reaction?  What's better?  Be in the moment or think about every consequence or a balance between both?  Sure the safe thing to say is a balance between both.  But what happens when you become the moment? 

When I'm in the moment people react to me.  When I think about consequence it does modify my actions.  But who says you can't do both at the same time?  I've know the consequence of an action that would not be a favorable outcome and done it anyway.  (I know this is going to hurt but it's fun!)  At least when I do that I have no one to blame. 

A friend at fighter practice wasn't thinking about the consequences of shooting her busted knee out to kick the bag the other night and in doing so she paid a rather large price for not thinking about the consequences.  She sat out a portion of the lesson it hurt so bad. 

Gives me perspective on the whole let's live in the moment!  Thinking about consequences and living in the moment at the same time sounds like a conflict, but it's rather hard for women not to think of consequences and sometimes easier for men to live in the moment.  Men and women can learn from each other on how to do both.  That's the great thing about relationships, you get to learn more about yourself! 

Immaturity Runs Quickly Away From Responsibility

I scare most small children.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps it's in the way I treat them as an adult and no one else does and it scares them. 

So when I say "Hello" to a small child who then reacts by hitting me I ask, "May I know the reason for this assult?". 

She hid behind her mother who nervously laughed after she told her child "we don't hit".  I know the mother so don't get in an uproar about people who don't teach their children right just yet. 

I knew the child would not be able to name the emotion she felt, nor would she find the voice to tell me why.  "At least tell me why you're hitting me," I asked again. 

The reply again was hiding behind her mom.  I still can't think of why I evoke this reaction.  She's not the first child to act in this manner from me just standing in the room.  It makes me curious.  It also makes me think perhaps adults would like to do the same.  But I don't know why.  It's a curiosity I'd like to know.  But for now I sum it up in six words.  Immaturity runs quickly away from responsibility.  My consolation is that shortly the child was no longer afraid of me. 

Where Have The Philosopher's All Gone?

When I think of Philosophers Steven Hawking comes to mind.  The philosophers in the movie "What the (bleep) do we know?!" are also people I think of. 

But I'm beginning to asses writers and musicians also fill the philosopher title.  There are a great many books (fiction especially), songs and opinions of others that make me think. 

Their stories and songs help me think about the world and best of all, make me ask questions.  I'm curious as to what made them come to their conclusion too.  What life experience made them choose that mode of thinking?  How do they come to believe a certain way? 

Philosopher's from yesterday might have been a guy looking like he was pinching a loaf on the toilet, but today's philosopher might be on tour with his rock band, or on tour signing her latest fiction novel.  I could say, don't judge a book by it's cover.  Or I could say life is stranger than fiction.  But I think I'll say don't discount artists to mingle in the philosopher crowd.  What would you say?


 

And Now, For Something Completely Different

Yes, I posted this picture for Easter.  It's one of my favorites!  I've always felt guided by the great spirit of the Hare.  If you look close, the one with his tushy to us as if falling from the great sea of other bunnies makes the picture for me.  I would seriously not want this bunny-tsunami-apocalypse to happen to anyone, but they are so cute!  Though I can't imagine the consequences of the bunny tsunami.  

This also reminds me of the scene in "The Last Unicorn" where she sets her Unicorn friends free.

It was a great part of the movie giving me as a young child the belief to never, ever, ever give up.  She stood her ground to the red bull and because she no longer gave him power over her he was forced into the sea setting her sisters free.  Perhaps these white bunnies are being freed from a great oppressor too. 

I Abide By Nature

Photo by Donald Weller

Until we can make nature ours and control the tides, the wind, raging fires, the motion of the earth, the rotation of the sun, the order of our solar system, and the shape of our universe, we must abide by the unfair, unyielding and cruel forces of nature.

The strongest AND most adaptable survive.  No governmental system, no forced rule, no will of another can circumvent this.  Seeking charity corrupts man's ability to survive natures way, but accepting good-will from another is a gift to both the giver and receiver.  Learn from natures government.  We are not insects.  To compare mammals to a drone is folly in dealing with what truly drives a human being.

Rise beyond emotion's control is what we can learn from bugs.  Yet we have the power to move as one and achieve as one but not because we are similar or are forced.  I see a world that drives itself in many directions and I see this way as chaos.  Yet chaos is another form of order--the order of destruction.

In itself, decay is beautiful and the ebb and flow of natures way presides.  You cannot escape her.  You do not pass go, you do not collect $200.  Unless of course you're a pet.  And for that money you sell yourself short.  Is that all you're worth?

Sheep are food.  Accept this as your fate to be cared for if you will.  It's difficult to tell the difference between a sheepdog and a wolf.  My eyes are set in front of my head.  Call me wolf or call me sheepdog it makes no difference to me.  I abide by nature.  

There are no Butterflies in Chernobyl

I've heard it said that some of the most delicate creatures are butterflies.  When these beautiful insects are around it means that everything is okay in the world.

I was young during the meltdown of Chernobyl but not too young to understand the repercussions.  Many people died from radiation in the town near Chernobyl.  It was a tragedy and I still remember hearing about the horrible deaths as a result of the meltdown.  They predicted 100 years would go by before it was habitable by anything. 

Twenty years later scientists went into the town near Chernobyl with camera-men and showed us a wildlife haven.  Migratory animals still don't manage there very well, but the locals that stayed recovered and show higher tolerances for radiation.  Radiation levels had declined but were still high, yet the inhabitants there were normal as in four legs, two eyes, two ears, two lungs, regular organs and limb digits.  Amazing how nature adapts.  I feel safe in knowing man can think he controls the essence of power, but man is just conceited if he thinks the world revolves around him and what he does. 

In the long run it gives me hope for Japan.  Yes it's horrible now.  Yes, there will be effects that will be shown over the course of decades.  No, I'm not looking forward to the reports and horrible deaths caused by radiation.  But what I've found is there ARE butterflies in Chernobyl.  I think they'll return to Japan too.

Possessions That Return (Literally)

When we unloaded the car Sunday from our weekly escapades to faire we noticed one of the props we used was missing.  This prop is very expensive, has a full-time job at home, has heir-loom status and is an endearing part of the family.  This prop is a beautiful handmade utility from a metal smith we know and love (Rocky at Oso Forge).

We weren't terribly alarmed when we couldn't find it, it had to be in my basket, in the car or somewhere around.  DW looked on Sunday for it and became more concerned.  This was one of our utensils that we bring with us to our local restaurants.  It's amazing how a handcrafted tool can make cutting steak a breeze.  Of course we were upset, it had managed to wiggle it's way out of it sheath which is disturbing all on it's own.

I had given Emma her morning walk, I had gone to work.  DW brought the trash cans in and kissed me goodbye -- both of us had gone up and down the walkway to our door twice, but when DW left to go do chores for the day there in the middle of the walkway sat our missing knife.  I swear I'm not that oblivious.  There was no knife there before.  Emma walks that path and I would have seen it.  All I think of is the knife saying to itself, "well F---.  They're not going to find me here, I've got to do something."  And crawling it's way to the door dragging it's little metal ass behind it.  I wonder how much effort it took for our heir loom to make it back.  If that blade could talk...

No Stirrups March

March was no stirrups month and I'm happy to report no one fell off because they didn't have their stabilizers.  Some call stirrups training wheels but I have to say they are very helpful and I don't think they are training wheels at all.  They are the type of equipment one takes for granted.  It's good, every so often, to remember that.  Removing what has been taken for granted not only makes one realize how much you rely on them but to also makes riders grow stronger, have confidence abilities and gain humbleness.

I have a student who had a horrible experience while not having her stirrup.  She swears she'll never go without stirrups.  In actual reality it's her own ability she doubts.  Most people don't need stirrups to ride, they help, but unless you don't have a functioning equilibrium then you don't physically need them.  In fact, you can gain a sense of your balance when you don't have stirrups.  You'll find out if you're leaning too far one way real quick.

I call stirrups the great stamina raisers.  They are great for keeping you in the saddle even when your sick, shaking from exhaustion because your fever has gone a point higher in the 90 degree weather and you have to use your diaphragm to belt out a lesson.  So I'm very grateful for stirrups.  I guess a whole post about them is my way of saying, "Thank you little oddly shaped pieces of metal!  You keep me in the saddle."

Repost by Austin Kleon: Steal Like an Artist and Relax: Nothing Is Original

The great teachers of my life tell me good authors borrow, great writers steal!  It's good to see I'm not alone and understand what the saying really means.  Star Wars is great, but I'm not going to rewrite Star Wars in some other genre with my characters doing the same thing.  That's plagiarism and that's not cool.  But Austin Kleon might give you a better understanding than I can of what is "stealing".  See the link below!

Link to Austin Kleon

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Oh?  A thousand.  Well, I give just one word for this picture.

Infinity.

I give this one word in hopes it conveys the mind-expanding experience that I have when looking at the milky way.  Because I can't think of just the milky way when I see pictures of stars.  Sometimes I can't fathom how large or small a galaxy is so I think of infinity.  My mind pulls back in cinematographic pictures of the universe and sees other spiraling, galaxies and they seem so close to each other like electrons to nebula.  Yet I don't think I'd ever be able to reach another galaxy in a spaceship in my lifetime.

That cinematic camera pulls back and sees millions of galaxies that make up the universe.  I stop for a moment to see these galaxy stars then I pull back further to realize this universe is all inside something that is as small as an atom in what one might call an "alternate" universe.  This small as an atom that contains my world is but a smaller part of a larger whole.  The panorama starts pulling back again and I see molecules passing by, then an the organ of an animal, and I'm outside the body and a great big wolly mammoth like thing is trumpeting at me and rearing up.

The expansion of my mind has gone as far as it can go and my panaramic view goes back into the animal, into the organ, past the cells and into the nuclei that is the boundary of my universe.  Galaxy stars fly past and it feels like I'm falling but really I'm pulling my world back to me.  Recognizable planets whiz by, Jupiter, and Saturn.  Mars is on the other side somewhere and then earth.  I wait for the earth to spin in the right place and plummet down to outline of the USA.  Down to my state, my county, my city, street and then building.  But my cinematic view doesn't stop at me.  I see my heart beating and blood is pumped in and out.  I see the molecules of my organs and then the cells down to the electrons and nuclei.

There is more down there I know.  Another whole universe.  Why do we explore the skies, the planets and the galaxy?  Because there is something to be learned about ourselves in ourselves, around ourselves and beyond where we live.  Because really, the galaxy is just a nuclei.  Things go faster in the micro (body cells) and we might miss something as it whizzes past.  Watching the macro (the galaxy) is slower.  Haven't you ever used the pause button on your recorder to watch something?  I imagine that's the galaxy.  We live in infinity.  

How To Feel Better

We all get a little down and when that happens to me I go through my checklist.

1) What have I eaten lately?
I make a quick mental note of what I've been eating.  Yep, laugh at me but a nutritionist who has been studying the effects of food can give you stats.  Stats like if you want to run faster, you can trim off your time by .05% from eating broccoli twice a week.  Okay, that stat I just made up, but it was something like that!  .05% doesn't seem like much but have you seen the milliseconds on runners times?

2) Have I taken time off for myself?
I walk the dog in the morning, but if I just do it as a chore, I've failed at calming my mind.  Listening to the birds, looking at the effects of the wind in trees, watching the traffic on the 210 fwy are all part of the relaxing part of walking a dog.  If I'm staring at the ground, in my head and not in the moment of walking the dog, I might as well be at work.  I ride my horses but sometimes I skip it because of writing "quota".  I have to remind myself, it's for my own good that I connect with these creatures that embody the element of wind so I can feel free.

3) How much sleep have I gotten?
Some people need 6-8 hours.  I like somewhere between 8-10 hours.  It makes a difference between falling asleep after lunch and having enough energy to go to the horses and walking the dog!

4) Have I taken the time to realize what I have?
When I've been eating right, sleeping well and been riding horses, sometimes I still feel like my life is crap.  Now, this may sound cruel, and I hope no one takes this the wrong way but I go to someplace like "Ride-On" a place for special needs children and adults.  It's a non-profit organization that allows these special needs people to ride horses.  Some are in wheelchairs.  Some walk in an unconventional way.  Some are mentally challenged.  Some have physical disorders.  You cannot walk away from there without feeling better about yourself.  That might sound cruel, but when I look at those kids and people I admonish myself for even thinking I have any right to not be thankful.  My inside voice, Stephonabitch, say's F.U.C.  If they can smile and have a good time, then what's your effing complaint.

These 4 simple things have gotten me out of a funk time and again.  They might work for you!

Click here for the Ride-on homepage

Audiobook review: Stone of Tears by Terry Goodkind

Here's the book synopsis:
An Epic of Awesome Power Kahlan has at last gained the one goal she had always thought was beyond her grasp ... love. Against all odds, the ancient bonds of secret oaths, and the dark talents of men long dead, Richard has won her heart. Amid sudden and disastrous events, Richard's life is called due to satisfy those treacherous oaths. To save his life, Kahlan must forsake Richard's love and cast him into the chains of slavery, knowing there could be no sin worse than such a betrayal. Richard is determined to unlock the secrets bound in the magic of ancient oaths and to again be free. Kahlan, alone with the terrible truth of what she has done, must set about altering the course of a world thrown into war. But even that may be easier than ever winning back the heart of the only man she will ever love.

My take:

The short version--Terry Goodkind is a powerful author and has done a fantastic job of entertaining us!

SPOILERS WARNING
Only hit the "read more" or look down if you already have read the book or don't mind spoilers.

Meaning

Photo by Donald Weller

There is meaning in Everything.  Which also might be interpreted as nothing has meaning.  There is no manual.  No step-by-step guide.  Instructions on life apparently have been left out -- on purpose no less.  Push buttons, nash keys, ask questions and best case scenario is someone doesn't die from your ignorance.  So relax and enjoy the ride.  Maybe everything that happens has meaning.  Maybe the course of everything is meaningless.  I think that is everyone's designation--to find out what they believe.  Whichever, if you don't stand for something then you'll fall for anything. 

Click here for more of Donald Weller's photos

Research

Research is a part of my writing process.  Some of my short stories I haven't done research, but my novel I have.  Research helps me create my world.  I like to pass tidbits I find exciting along in my book.  For instance, I've learned about the arquebus.  It's the early model of a shotgun.  I found some of these weapons you can dump shrapnel or needles or other nasty items and the gun will shoot it.  Sounds more gnarly than a bullet.  The arquebus became a center point in my book and my main character's short term goal is acquiring one, hence I can share things I've learned about this early gun. 

Another thing I've learned about research is I've expanded my vocabulary.  My mantra -- Every.Word.Counts.  leaves me to find the perfect word.  One that will encompass the emotional response I'm looking for.  It can't be a word that is so rare that everyone's forgot what it means, but I don't want one so common and over used that it has no power.  While I'd like to think people look up words to expand their vocabulary, in reality I know many keep reading trying to figure out what the word means or just skipping over the word altogether.  For me that's a travesty because it's one of the ways I expand my own vocabulary.  However, when I'm in the throws of a book and I'm too "into it" to look up that word, I'm just as guilty as to power through the sentence so I don't take myself away from the fictitious dream.

Research has given me other ideas for books.  I've found a particular topic interesting.  At one point I have written down the ideas and if I am still interested in them after a month or so, I've pursued rough drafts. 


Research comes in more ways than one.  Wikipedia isn't good enough for college professors and it's really not good enough for me either.  I've Wikipedia'd but then I go to a history major to verify the facts (one of the fantastic things about Renaissance Faire is that the participant next to you is either an actor, a history major or both). 

I've Googled, but I get my real info that depends on fact from the history channel, history majors, or a museum.  That's great for history, but what about something like forensics?  It's a great way to take a class.  Yep, I talk to the professionals on that too.  Ones that have seen what happens to a body when it's decomposed. 

The thing is that people love to share what they know and what they are passionate about.  I don't rely on the internet.  I rely on those around me.  Those who've worked at it every day.  Those who study it.  I can get more from a conversation than I can from Google.  Try your hand at detective work--see who knows what.  You might find a walking encyclopedia out there!   

You've Got Mail

Big business collapses when it doesn't keep up with technology.  No that's not right.  Big business fails when it doesn't meet the demands of its customers.  Which in Borders case it seems to me that it didn't keep up with how people were buying books. 

My boyfriend would peruse around Borders pick up the books and then buy them on his kindle.  He did this in Borders with kindle in hand.  You can't tell me he's the only one that did this either.  Barnes and Noble had their best month when their e-reader, the Nook, came out.  That might tell you something right there. 

So I beg the question, as a writer, now that it seems brick and mortar stores are failing, how do I get my book to my reader?  I see you pointing at Amanda Hocking, now put your hand down before I cut it off!  Have you read her blog?  She recently signed up with a publisher.  And, the reason was not solely to get her books into brick and mortar stores. 

So that’s kina good news!  I've looked at book trailers but it makes me want to watch the movie not necessarily read the book.  (I think they're cool though!)  Will more books be available by e-reader?  Amazon's recommendations are great but only seem to go so far.  There are parties, book signings and social networking but what else is there?  What are virtual tours?  How do promoters get the buzz out for your book?  What's involved? 

I'm ready to learn and I search for marketing tips on author sites but there's no real advice on how to market your book.  I'm finding they just have a firm that does it.  Published authors have to market their own book, but does that mean they are just doing the social media thing?  I doubt it.  So how much does it cost for those book marketers?  What's involved?  Really, how do you become a successful writer?  Honestly, not even the successful writers know! 

Stick with me, because I am going to tell you what works and what doesn't.  It'll be under the "marketing" tag and I plan to outline in detail.  And if anyone wants to share insight, be my guest!  

The Chasm of Difference on How Employees and Bosses Think

My boss is a very hard working person that expects all of his employees to be as motivated and urgent in their work as he is.  Bless that man for giving us all a chance to earn our living and have fun doing it.  One might think the responsibility of his company rests directly on his shoulders, but really the responsibility is not all his.  Our sales team knows very well how the income generated by them and their performance is crucial to the survival of the company. 

We are always pushing, always wanting to do more.  But when your boss asks for instructions on how to do your job, what is the first thing you think?  Replacement?  Outsourcing?  

Now, in my bosses mind I know he's thinking expansion.  But in my co-workers face I can see the horror and insecurity coming out.  When I explained that we were instructed to make a video of “how to do your job” co-workers were perplexed.  "What if you got hit by a bus tomorrow?"  I said.  Not entirely comforting, my co-workers didn’t like that at all.  Oops, my version of trying to be funny—it didn’t pan-out. 

I know my boss, he’s thinking expansion.  If you’re growing, you’re green.  If you’re ripe, you’re rotting as the expression goes so I can understand his motivation.  Getting others to realize this, because they are skeptical of his motivations, makes me want to shake them and tell them how very much he appreciates them.  It's obvious in his hiring/firing methods.  He wants performance just like any other boss.  Even if I'm wrong and all our jobs will be shipped out to India, I know I have skills that are useful and in demand.  Every event is a opportunity to go through a different door.  Some of those doors have been the most beautiful I've ever seen.  

Don't doubt your abilities.  If a boss doesn't want you then that means they don't appreciate what you can offer.  If you still have a job and are busy then don't doubt yourself.  Be that employee that everyone loves, be positive and believe in your abilities! 

Look, It's A Joke, So Don't Be Too Serious...

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said  to  the children of Israel , "Pick  up your shovels, mount your asses  and camels, and I will  lead you to the Promised Land."
Nearly 75  years  ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said,  "Lay down your  shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a  Camel, this is the Promised  Land."
Today, Congress  has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses,  raised the price  of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was  so  depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the  economy,  the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security,  retirement funds, etc .  .. . I called a Suicide  Hotline.
I had to press 1 for  English.
I was  connected to a call center in Pakistan.  I told them I was suicidal.                             They got excited  and asked if I could drive a  truck......  

Googles Alexandria

Griffith Observatory's Tesla Coil

Google's attempt to bring all the books of the world into one digitized search engine failed last week due to a ruling of one judge.  There's an entire story of the battle between Google and the authors guild but I wanted to explore more into the project itself.

Google would have taken every book, except those that authors opted out of, and made passages of those books searchable.  Does that mean the whole book is searchable?  Does that mean that you can bootleg any book?  It already happens, I know, and reading the whole book on your search engine would be ridiculous but it would be possible.

If your thinking no way, then tell me how Thomas Guide is doing against Google maps?  (Or do you know what the Thomas Guide is?  Well then I guess I've dated myself.)  Why do I need a Garmin if my phone can spit out step-by-step driving instructions via Google?  And what if people look for information on the internet and get half a passage thinking they "know it all".  A whole book was published about the subject you're researching.  There must have been a reason aside from it was before the internet.

I can see the appeal to recreating Alexandria so knowledge can be abound but I also know about how the greatest harm can come from the best intentions.  Now let's look at the other side.  I realize that you could potentially get an out-of-print obscure book to become popular and everyone enjoys  a phoenix from the ashes.  I also see a lot of authors opting out of the digitizing project.  I'm wondering, what kind of benefits or plunders do you think would happen?

Dell Ripping On The iPhone

Really?
  Dang!
Dell's comment

I Don't Need A Woman

When I hear a guy say "I don't need a woman" I think--Damaged goods, pass it by.  Let him fix his deal with his mom or wife or whatever because truthfully he's not going to understand what a woman can bring to the table.  (Now this does go vice-versa.) 

Women too can get something from men but men can not get what women have without us.  Remember, women have that extra chromozone leg that men DON'T.  That's not to say men aren't whole, I'm saying that women bring something extra into a man's life.  Something that nature does not give them, but women do.  How can you not crave the insight a woman brings?  Women can make men feel powerful -- how is that not addictive?  We give their testostrone direction, an outlet and release. 

The guy who says he'd chose beer over a woman has a fear of rejection.  Who doesn't really, but dang, why not try the woman first because if beer never says no then it doesn't care you chose the woman over it first.  So why not go for the woman?  Because guys don't want confrontation -- here's the important part, are ya listening? -- WITH A WOMAN.  They don't want confrontation with a woman. 

I've seen guys rather go out to a battle field than disappoint their woman.  -- "Tell that harpie at home, I'm free from her scorn."  Yes women have the power to change a guys way of thinking, but they don't directly change him. 

What women need to remember is they have the power to say to a guy, You!  Come here!  Do it, try it when you're with friends and where you feel safe.  That guy is going to walk over to you.  He might think he's in trouble but he'll come over.  If you tease him you'll keep his attention. 

And don't forget the power of a girls touch--wow!  A good friend and co-worker of mine was talking to me when I noticed a stray string on his shirt.  It bothered me so I reached out slowly thinking if I just grabbed the strand he might try to block my hand.  I lightly touched his shirt and his motor mouth cut off short.  His eyes where in the back of his head.  Oh, yeah he was thinking SHE'S TOUCHING ME!  We laughed but it made me ask, really?  It didn't matter how old he was.  Touch feels good for me too but to lose your mind over a light touch of a finger? 

So it's up to women to chose but A) give him a reason to come over and B) don't make your meet confrontational.  Teasing and confrontation are not the same thing for a guy.  That guys that thinks he doesn't need a woman is hurting either from too many rejections or from pain he's had to endure from someone who didn't understand him.  Be kind.  They eventually learn that intimacy and sex can be two separate things.  If they look within themselves they will find they need a woman to discover what intimacy means.